Ya gotta talk about them!

It is a social convention that you don’t talk about body functions in polite society.  Unfortunately that means a lot of important information doesn’t get passed on.

With all the medical issues I’ve had, there have been some uncomfortable side effects that affect one bodily function or another.  These side effects can be frustrating to deal with.  But every now and then someone will drop an informational tidbit about unmentionable body functions to me that actually helps. 

 Experience with Bodily Functions

Here’s a few bons mots about body functions:

1. You need to excrete at least 12 inches of excrement a day.  This indicates your body is processing your food and functioning properly.  So turn around and look.  I know, not pleasant, but at least you’ll know if your body’s on the right track.  If not – fibre and exercise!

2. When you defecate, don’t hold your breath if you need to push the pooh out.  Holding your breath while pushing (and this goes for child labour as well), you could end up pushing your rectum out and that will give you hemorrhoids.  Breathe as you bear down and push.  Things will be better in the end (pun intended).

3. You can get yeast infections while you’re pregnant.   Who knew?  Men can also get yeast infections AND men can give yeast infections to women.  So don’t always blame your pantyhose, (which, by the way, are instruments of the inquisition)!

4. If you have a stuffy nose, rinse out your sinuses with lightly salted water.  Try to use unadulterated sea salt, or grey salt.  No point in adding chemicals to your already irritated, delicate mucous membranes.  Mix a little warm water with sea salt and stick your nostril in it and breathe in.  It can be a bit painful but do it none the less.  Have a hanky handy to blow your nose afterwards.

5. If you get foot fungus, (yellow smelly stuff between your toes), treat the fungus BUT also rinse any footwear out with CHLORINE bleach and let them dry.  It has to be heavy chemical bleach because the natural peroxide bleaches won’t kill the fungus.  If you don’t rinse your shoes, the fungus will come back and you’ll spend a fortune in creams to get rid of it.

6. Farting is a sign of a healthy intestine.   Just make sure you’re down wind of everyone.

 And that’s what I’ve learned so far.  Clearly, we’ll be discussing this topic again!